By Karla Mundo
Do you express or repress? Do you keep it or let it out? Do you communicate or shut down? Do you get mad, angry, or frustrated because people are not listening to what you need to say? Do you disagree?
Were we born to follow others or to be the leader of our own destiny?
Are you very human, hypersensitive, neurodivergent, "different," with strong beliefs and ideas? I am.
I can laugh very loud and enjoy a good joke, but also I carry with me the inherited multigenerational anger of my family. Anger in low-income families in Mexico seems to be part of our daily struggles to survive. We learn to deal with it by communicating. In America, anger not expressed is converted into rage that people use to verbally attack you in public places. In America anger turns into mass shootings and freeway road rage. Anger seems to have been trapped in human bodies and converted into so many illnesses, including cancers. I have been reading about physical illness and trapped emotions having a correlation, it makes sense. We should not repress emotions as we are told constantly to be happy. We should be able to communicate in a healthy way and solve issues that have been unresolved and are causing us sickness.
Growing up in Mexico, I noticed that we as a society spoke with vibrancy and passion, sometimes in the spectrum of yelling while having very animated conversations. It was considered being alive, while in America it is considered "loud" and "noisy." I have been told to "speak in my library voice" or to "shut up" for expressing joy, my emotions or feelings.
As a mom, I have seen this use of our voice as the universal rule of parenting. The explaining to your kids, the negotiating, and the falling into arguments we'd rather not have. I have been there explaining to my son and losing my temper when he, as a young adult, has insisted on not understanding our rules or when he is doing what he think is right even do has had consequences in his wellbeing.
I guess the difference between my Latino roots and the Caucasian culture is that we Latinos speak louder, and we don’t save the words for later. At least I don't. I don't think it is healthier not to speak up when we should. To store in our bellies, hearts, and minds hurts that we have felt from friends, relatives, and strangers needs to be spoken.
Although it seems that women culturally and globally have been repressed in many ways, I have always been willing to express if I see injustice. On this journey as a communicator, I have noticed that a woman's opinion is not embraced or welcomed as easily as a man's opinion. People assume that we don't have knowledge in the matter, period.
Even my husband has said, “Karla, you are being too loud” when I get excited about a beautiful thing or passionate about a topic. If I defend my point of view against people who underestimate my opinion, he will try to change the topic in order to not "have a conflict," and precisely the conflict comes from not listening to each other as we should, with empathy and kindness. Such an odd and filled-with-control way not to let someone be.
I think telling an activist for social change to do nothing is like telling the river that needs to stop its powerful flow. It's like telling the ocean to stop being vast, calm, and ferocious at the same time. It's like telling the sun not to shine! Ultimately it is telling a human not to follow their calling, heart, or passion.
We should try listening to what others have to say as well as try to accept others' points of view. Sometimes I feel that there is this message that if you are not doing what others tell you to do, you are not being polite; therefore, you need to be secluded, excluded, and not considered because you are not behaving like everyone elses. The message becomes you are not priority because you are not like we like you to be, therefore we do not acknowledge your humanity.
We the activists are being rude for challenging the status quo, for not agreeing in politics, religion, or public views that affect groups of people in order to benefit others. But it has nothing to do with being polite or not. It is mostly that others want us to be quiet in order to please those who want to be in control of us, humans.
In my family, with friends and strangers alike, I have experienced that if I disagree, I am wrong just like that. I have been asked, "Why can't you be like all of us, like everyone else?" There is no considering my reasons, nothing. I am wrong, and they are right. Is it this righteousness that causes false views and ideas of others that do not act or think like the whole. It becomes like school cliques or soccer and American futbol teams in which you only are included if you cheer for the right one.
Why don’t I think exactly like them? Why do I always have to go against the current or argue? Well, why do I always have to defend my position? Why do I always have to explain myself? I believe the reason is because I should be me, and they should be them, and we should be able to share views, find flaws where they are, embrace, accept and respect each other, don’t you agree?
Instead of being accepted for who I am, I have to be what others want me to be so they can be happy even if I am not. Well, it does not make sense.
Over and over I have felt tangled in this constant battle of having to defend myself. Perhaps you will suggest "just don’t pay attention," which is very hard to do when people are constantly in your face with their opinions about your life.
As a home-educating mom, I have always encountered people questioning our decision. It is not a matter of people needing to agree or disagree. It is a personal decision, as was yours of sending your kids to a classroom. As it was yours to vote or not, participate or not, and speak out or not. We all make decisions in life and do not like others telling us how to do it. Why not accept that as the universal way? I have never understood why people get so upset about my life. It is not like they are sponsoring my way of living. Interestingly enough, my choice gets questioned on a daily basis by not only relatives and friends but also strangers.
I have to give lectures about the importance of raising our children. I have to pull out my educational credentials and degrees when others pull theirs, and it has been constant harassment over our life decisions.
Awhile ago, I spent ½ an hour answering questions for a teacher that made sure to tell me that she had 30 years of teaching experience plus 3 master's degrees. I listened when she told me that mothers many times are not qualified to teach!!!. On and on she went criticizing home-educators, and finally I had enough.
The worst part always comes when these educators and strangers ask, “What about socialization? "What about it? Have they been very social, kind, polite, and respectful towards me? NO.
Many people refuse to see the severe and various issues affecting our kids in school, including the bullying, lack of individualized education, and so many acts of violence happening on a daily basis in schools portrayed in documentaries and books. Educators around the globe, including Holt, Gatto, Grey, and Ilich, have been calling for deschooling society. Why not learn about it, rather than just giving a blind opinion?.
If I don’t know about a subject, I research, compare, contrast, study it, and talk about it, but I don’t go talking nonsense just because I have a teaching credential or a degree. Is a teaching credential enough of a license to undermine others' decisions and knowledge? People are judgmental without knowing, without researching, or studying.
Many of us learned to debate in school. For what purpose?? Just to take it?
I believe that we need to have our own points of view. We can share with others, but the common way is not the only way, and being righteous all the time does not make our choices the correct ones.
People talk about how you are wrong and they are right, and I just want to be me, with my ideas and beliefs, like anyone else wants. We talk about respecting others, but as soon as someone shares they are not Catholic or Muslim or this or that, we get mad. Deep inside, many want us to believe, be, or do as they do, but we cannot because we are only like us.
I cannot think like anyone else because I think like Karla, but God forbid Karla disagrees with others. What is wrong with her? She went crazy, like so many other women in history. All of this is not letting a person be. I sometimes feel as if we live in medieval times, and women like me are being constantly repressed or condemned if they think for themselves. I think of the Suffragettes and all the women who have been oppressed because perhaps much of what they said was truth.
The different movements that have been giving women the power to say what they need to say, such as #metoo, #thewomenmarchtoWashington, #Resist, #bringbackourgirls, #gatherthewomansavetheworld, and #blacklivesmatter will be remembered through history..
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