Empty Hangers

by Karla Mundo

 

Looks that no one will see, fashion that every year expires, weight never lost, clothes never worn. I counted hundreds of empty hangers, one for each pound not detached from my waist line. I counted a hanger for every carb I have avoided in hopes of getting back to my ideal pre-diabetes, high-cholesterol diagnosis.

Empty hangers remind me today that some blouses, pants, sweaters have been too “tight” cramped in the closet next to each other. Too tight on my body to wear them in spite of my constant walks, exercise, change of diets. I know well that high Cortisol levels and sugar resistance are the duo that do not allow me to sleep and hold tight to my weight.

Empty hangers remind me of so much more that I need to empty. I need to empty my heart of frustrations and anger from trying and trying and falling off the wagon over and over for the past so many years.

Empty hangers remind me of not emptying my heart—I need that full of hope, dreams, New Year’s resolutions. I need my mind in a present and future life free of chronic insomnia and log-haul post- Covid whooshing in my ear.

Empty hangers… I counted hundreds. One for each day I woke up in fear and pain during the 2021 Covid contagion. One for each tear for the many people we humans lost. Empty hangers for our own lost of health and our desperation when weeks went by not healing what in my ear seems a constant radio frequency that cannot get the right signal.

Empty hangers where filled with too many of the same garments. Why do I need 50 blouses, that I cannot wear all at once? Why do I need 20 of the same jeans,

t-shirts of all different colors, sweaters or any other clothes than those designed for wearing at home? I use to work outside and still my hangers were not nearly as many as the ones I counted this time.

I do not know why, but the hangers made me look around my small place, which seems filled with things compared to my possessions as a child. I thought of how many things one can posses and organize. How many shoes, towels, blankets, books, plates. All things I appreciate and value, treasure and use. Still they are things that have given me the endless work of dedicating time to organize.

Empty hangers once where filled with the joy of Giancarlo’s outfits that he outgrew while becoming a teenager, leaving many countless beautiful memories of childhood, milestones and years that flew way too fast.

I think empty hangers made me nostalgic, pensive of the empty nest some say you feel when their kids go to college. 
I can only imagine. I think the empty hangers remind me of the many times, (way too many in 22 years 17) I have emptied closets, cabinets, drawers while in the middle of relocating.

Empty hangers remind me of the void that elders, friends, kids and many of us felt during the years of Covid separation-isolation. The void that can be felt in a home when no visitors knock on your door.

Empty hangers make me think of the emptiness a human can feel when not connecting, not communicating, not feeling the love but the constant separation from differences of opinions, religions, beliefs.

What are your empty hangers telling you? What are they reminding you to take care of?